Robert has a life that many Singaporeans envied. He comes from a wealthy family, attends IVY league school, works at a large MNC, and dates a beautiful girl. Robert's girlfriend, a Vietnamese American, always tell Robert that she has an elder brother, who has been adopted by a Singaporean couples years ago, and she wishes that one day she could find him. She doesn't know any information about the Singaporean couples, as the adoption was carried out more than 20 years ago, when her parents were still living in Vietnam. Determined to help his girlfriend find her brother, Robert went to Vietnam to find the orphanage that years ago his girlfriend's brother was placed for adoption. Through weeks searching and asking, they found the orphanage, and asked for the records of 27 years ago. But Robert could not believe his eyes when he saw his parents' names on the list of adoptive parents. And the date that the baby was born was the same date that he was born...
Now this may sounds a little dramatic, but adults who are adopted often felt utterly shocked when suddenly told that they were adopted. This is especially worse when it does not come from their parents. In the past, many couples decided not to tell their children that they were adopted because they do not want their children to be hurt knowing that they were "given up" by their biological parents. But there are two issues here: First, one day their chidren might find out the truth and feel terribly lost and deceived, Second, these children are denied of the rights to know who they are and how they joined their families. While the truth carries with it some sadness, the consequences of perceived dishonesty is far worse. Moreover, healthy family ties should be built on trust and honesty, not overprotection resulting in resentment. When adoption is kept a secret, children often realize there is something about them that nobody talks about, and be overly concerned about what it might be. When such a secret is finally revealed, it can destroy the relationship in a family.
Telling the truth often means that the adoptive parents have to come to terms with themselves first. Adoption carries some sadness for all people touched by it. For biological parents- because they could not take care of the babies that they have given birth. For adoptive parents- because they have not given birth and have no genetic resemblence to their children. And adopted children because they are not by blood related to their parents but are virtual strangers to ones who have given them lives. There are two ways adoptive parents handle this, one is to accept the truth and find ways to deal with it, or completely deny that their children are adopted. People who accept the truth are much more sucessful at handling adoption related issues. It is because being honest about adoption helps family members empathize with each other about each one's losses and hence are more inclined to communicate more intimately.
Telling the truth doesn't mean that you will have to diclose everything at once. There are certain details that can be waited when the child grows up so that he/she can be matured enough to deal with the information. And this will be the topic of our next post- how to tell your child that he/she was adopted.
Singapore Adoption Agency is the only agency in Singapore that look for Vietnamese babies. If you have any more questions, please contact Singapore Adoption Agency at (65) 90680573/96467600, or visit our website at www.singaporeadoption-agency.com.
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